It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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