She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
