Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
