I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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