I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Are we still banned from the library?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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