He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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