You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My legs feel like baby dolphins
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
