so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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