Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
