So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
