I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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