At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
