i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
