so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
