Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
