I want to have your abortion
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
