Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
