My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
