In the future we'll all be gay
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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