My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
