this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
