No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
