Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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