i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
