Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
