P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
