Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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