Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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