I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
