My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
