How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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