The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
