3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
