ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
