Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
