She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
