Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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