lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
