At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
