The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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