I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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