The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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