dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
