apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
