Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
