I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this boner is exhausting
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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