I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
