I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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