Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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