You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
