dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
