So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
