i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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