Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
