i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
