we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
