he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
