at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
