I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
