the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she smelled like a LAN party
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
